Day 8 - Yoga, Sweat and Tears
Wow today was the first really hard day for me. Not just physically but emotionally more than anything else. People often talk about their personal experiences in regards to the yamas and niyamas in the philosophy classes, and its truly inspiring. When someone shares a story that deep and intense it really bonds us all together in a mutual, confidential respect of the present moment. When I put my hand up to share in the beginning, I realise now I was actually doing anything but sharing a personal story. I said "we should do this", "i believe" bla bla etc…. I was so eager at the start to voice my opinions and to challenge all these theories but now I realise the true challenge for me, is being able to be vulnerable and allow myself to open up in these kind of situations. Im trying to look deeper within myself and find out why can't I do it. Am i afraid, scared to be judged, am I trying to escape my own reality? As these feelings started to creep into my already frazzled brain, I have noticed I've been talking much less in class and listening more. Which can only be a fantastic thing for someone like me i.e. a big mouth. Usually I am so open, I just say whats in my mind often without thinking, and believe if someone doesn't like me, fine thats their problem. Maybe, after all it's me who needs to put more care and thought into the words I speak and learn to listen more, after all thats still participating just in a more caring and polite way.
Anyway, back to today. In meditation I was so restless, I kept thinking about the experiences these women have had and the eloquence they write with, and I started to think about the sadnesses in mine and my family's life. I don't for a second think I am anything but blessed, I have had every opportunity and Im so grateful for my friends, family and fiancé but everything is relative, and you can't surf every wave. Its been a tough old day though. I think being so tired in my body and the physical practice really pushed me to my limit this morning. I found my core muscles (they've been in hiding) and managed a headstand, completely balanced from the floor which takes a lot of abdominal squeezing, check it out
But I got a really deep pain in my tummy after, I think I clenched my abs a little too tight. Thank goodness for svonasana (corpse pose) at the end cause i would have burst into tears if I had to carry on!! I knew parts of this intense course were going to be tough but truly I am absolutely loving it, I fell very lucky to be here.
We did a body assessment of each other today. Finding out our alignment and what our superficial structure says about our life. Our bodies show us everything! Injuries we had as a child/adult, the way we slept for many years, where we carry stress and tension, right or left handed and how we walk. It was so interesting to discover so much about myself and to assess someone else, guessing their past and present through the microscope of their body. For example, my entire right side is lower than my left due to being right handed and footed, and that side of my body being more compact and the left side has compensated. My feet are basically flat therefore puts pressure on my ankles which naturally roll in. My neck is quite elongated thanks to ballet and my shoulder blades stick out because my shoulders are very open. Its fascinating. I can't wait to body assess everyone when I get home!!! hehe watch out family and friends.
I'm going to get some rest now and just relax my body after a nice hot shower. I'm loving sharing a dorm, the other three girls are so sweet and we have such a giggle in the evenings!!
Until tomorrow yogis